doing vs. believing

I've just finished reading Elaine Pagels' wonderful book, Beyond Belief. Actually Nick woke me up in the middle of the night--crying about his sunburn, so scratch at least some of that optimistic stuff from yesterday--and when I couldn't get back to sleep I first sketched out a draft of the book review I'm supposed to be writing (so far it's only 10 months over due) and then finished the Pagels book. It's incredibly dramatic--all about the factions within the early church and the reasons the early church fathers (and they were all male) felt so strongly about quashing "heresy" (or, free choice) and establishing orthodoxy. The "gnostic" or Coptic gospels, early writings about Jesus and his followers, were destroyed or hidden by about the 4th century as the canon of scripture was established. What Pagels shows is that Christianity in some measure lost out by this process, by rejecting the insights of other believers, other Christians. What was suppressed often stressed doing over believing ("being" a Christian rather than attesting to a certain creed), individual insight over corporate doctrine. What was suppressed also valued women, women's insights, women's knowledge. Women were full partners in at least some of the early churches and the "gnostic" tradition valorized the feminine "Sophia," or wisdom, alongside the more familiar patriarchal god of the Hebrews. ("Sophia" has her place in some Jewish traditions as well, and one thing Pagel does really nicely is stress the continuity between the kabbalistic tradition in Judaism and certain brands of Christian mysticism.)

It's a sad story, in a way, the triumph of orthodoxy over a vibrant, living tradition, a tradition that in many ways makes intuitive sense to me. What I especially like is the emphasis on doing--I know the faith vs. works thing is old news in Christian theology, and that lately faith has been winning out (thanks, Martin Luther & John Calvin). But really, doubt is such a central experience of my faith. I've never had one of those moments where it all comes clear, never really "felt" God's presence in any way I could articulate, never been certain that God was at the other end of my prayers. But I do feel--and Pagels gives me more language to articulate this--that what God, or the universe, or love, wants, is for us to be connected, to be aware of things larger than ourselves, to "walk in love," as the prayer book says.

There's lots more, and this feels fairly incoherent so far. But it's a start.

I've got some quotations from Pagels in my new commonplace book.